Money Worrier Pillows

Financial Crises.

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Things that go beep in the night.

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Lou... just go in the water!"

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

The Circle.

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

Energy Bills

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

'No, I've never yet broken any swimming records, why do you ask?'

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"Do you have money or is it money that has you?"

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

Credit Crunch.

Eye of needle fat cat size That'll do nicely.

"I thought I'd done everything to get a decent pension..."