Finance Worrier Pillows

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"Too bad you don't put as much work on our financial planning as you do on college basketball brackets."

'Make lots of money, I need the gas,'

Expense Culture Advice.

'Get out there and keep your job!'

"I'm not really a guru. I just came up here to get away from my student loan debt."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

I think I have a gilt complex.

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

The Circle.

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

Energy Bills

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

Credit Crunch.

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"My take home pay must have gone to someone else's house."