Money-minded Chuckle Pillows

'Before I give you the bill,do you suffer from heart trouble, high blood pressure,or sudden shock syndrome?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

Me and my money are soon parted

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

Federal Guidelines

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

Caution: Falling Businessmen - A Sign of the Times

Life plan

Home 'Submerged' Home! (Home value less than mortgage).

'Hector owes us money ...'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

Bad end-of-year figures

Modern Art - 'Bull' graph going up / 'Bear' graph going down

US economy health.

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

'My broker swears it's a great investment but I fear it's just another pyramid scheme.'

"Hi, you are through to the bank of Mum and Dad."

I don't care if he was born on a record-breaking day, Dad, we're not naming him 'Nasdaq.'

Tales from the crypto: The returns are killer!

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.