Money Manager Gifts

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

"I've hedged against inflation and I've hedged against deflation, but price stability could knock me for a loop."

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'Your financial goal is to break even? I can tell you're an experienced investor.'

"Can't we talk about something other than money?"

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

Ran out of money.

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

"Right, you've pretty much agreed that you think saving for a pension should be compulsary. Who do you think it should apply to?" "Him...Him...Her...Him...Them...Him."

'Would it kill 'ya to index my birthday check to inflation?'

Embezzle is a pretty strong word. Isn't it possible he just forgot where he buried them?

Try to think of bankruptcy as an accounting procedure.

"How come they call these tax returns when I never get any money returned?"

'It sounds like your investments could use a check-up too.'

'The love of money is the root of all evil? Is that the whole treasurer's report?'

'While I'm here for my audit, could I interest you in some tax free municipal bonds?'

LOAN - just say 'No'

'No. The last time I tried to get my money to work for me it ran off and left me.'

Tax Stop.

'A vault? Yes Sir, I'll be sure to pass your suggestion on to management.'

'By the way, Stanley, can you lend me five till payday?'

'You have to work two and a half years to cover your annual living expenses.'

"Find someone who's savvy about Ponzi schemes and have them restructure the Greek debt."

North Dakota taxes.

"Accounts Payable... The check in in the mail. (click)"

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'Your money? — does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

Tax reform.

'We're giving this kid way too much pocket money.'

What is possible and what is probable.

Here today, Bailed Out Tomorrow.