Monday Night Football Fan Gifts

We've had two weeks between the conference finals and the big game. With time for injuries to heal, we're physically ready for a peak performance. We watched hour after hour of video. Then spent long days on the practice field so we'll function as a team and not a collection of individuals. And once we finally finish preparing for the touchdown celebrations, we might have an or two to practice football.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Football Chameleon

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"Uptight End"

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Centaur Forward

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

Archaeologists discover a football

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'Now what?!'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

Referee cop.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

"Edgar isn't here. He's working out with the Dallas Cowboys."

Football Violence

"Go deep!"

'It's a shame you lost every last ball in the rough, Ed, but we're glad to have you back.'

Red Card - Gold Card.

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Jenga!!!

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

Sports Medicine.

'...Do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourselves around...'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

"Seeing as you've been so generous giving goals away lately, you're down to play Santa at the Christmas party!"

Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: Changing Seasons. Does life affirm with coming fall? Leaved hit the ground, men huddle. Smashing each other over a ball. Wrestling around in a puddle. Huh? In this potpourri of hulky sights, one image is hardly the least, sir. So many changes, so many nights ... to see Eli Manning's keister. The bard of NY Giants football. Beautiful. Disgusting.