Monastic Pillows

'So what did you do with a problem like Maria?'

Trappist Monk Discord

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Trappist talk show.

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'I wish Brother Gregory would spend less time surfing the 'net.''

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

Cable Bill.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Gracebook.

A friar

Pray as you Go.

'If a tree falls in a trappist monastery, does it make a sound.'

"Do you have anything that will help me get rid of an irritating mantra?"

Thou Art Here.

It's a mobile, wireless internet device

'Brother John had discovered a loophole in the vow of silence'

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'