Moments Of Zen Gifts

'He doesn't have a fever. I just needed some quiet.'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Hush puppy.

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

"You took that news with dignity and grace. I really wanted you to spaz out."

"Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Barksdale, but you're scheduled to take time out to smell the roses."

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

The best relationships are silent.

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Work Life Balance.

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

Valentine for Guru.

"This is Fred, he heads up our corporate wellness programs."

He's been like that for hours - I think he's binge meditating.

The Sound Of One Hand Clapping.

"No way! It's definitely your turn to 'be one' with the dishes."

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

Om, I will kill him, ooommm. Om, I will kill him, ooommm... Jack would later be charged with premeditated murder

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"I'm in the 56-year intensive program, all meals included."

"You know, talking louder than everyone else doesn't make you an influencer."

"I'm having one of those days where you can't decide if it makes more sense to freak-out or panic."

'Telling them there is no meaning to life only ruins it for the rest of us.'

Tunnel of One @#$% Moment to Yourself.

How To Sleep Your Way To The Top.

Dr. Raymond Hoffler Proctologist

"My emotions ran wild."

'I just booked a one way cruise for the employee's negative thoughts.'

Shortly after attaining enlightenment, Hank reincarnates as a stone.

'This is our employee burnout center. These are the ones who checked out of reality long ago.'