Modern Zen Master Gifts

'Oh my gosh, this is terrific! I just tuned in satellite radio.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zenemies.

Yoga.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

Guru.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

"Okay. . . so what's the bad news?"

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"Hoarder."

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

The Gardener's Calendar: Get Your Mower Out of The Shed.

'Tough day at the office! Somebody broke the water cooler!'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

Relax.