Mom With A Soft Spot For Pets Gifts

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

Biofelineism

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Roget's Pet

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"He ran out of pee."

Al's Teachers' Pets.

I can't afford to pay for Fluffy's spay...

"You stop it, now!"

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"Do you think those sounds they make are some primitive attempt to communicate with each other?"

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"It just comes naturally. I have good people skills."

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?

Dog responding to his master doing a crossword.

'I'll call you back, we just got in a load of furniture.'

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'Even my emotional baggage is leather.'

"Write about dogs."