Mom With A Soft Spot For Pets Gifts

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

Biofelineism

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

Roget's Pet

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"He ran out of pee."

Al's Teachers' Pets.

I can't afford to pay for Fluffy's spay...

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

"You stop it, now!"

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

"Do you think those sounds they make are some primitive attempt to communicate with each other?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"It just comes naturally. I have good people skills."

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?

Dog responding to his master doing a crossword.

'I'll call you back, we just got in a load of furniture.'

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

"Write about dogs."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'