Mom Squad Captain Gifts

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Woman as a beacon and guide of the family

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Mother will catch you!'

"The Momfia"

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

Soccer Moms

"Wanna swap?"

Soccer Moms

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

Baby Mums.

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'Another day, another dollar.'

Mom on the First Day of School.

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

"No woman should have children over 40, that's quite enough for anybody."

'Mom, we've hired a few people to fill in for you while you relax on Mother's Day.'

'No, Dear, a 'hot flash' is not a comic book superhero power.'

Thank you for not smacking

"She's such a different person than she was before her nap."

'I laid 3,000 eggs today, and you expect me to dress for dinner?'

"OK, let's try the old 'tell Mommy her sweatpants make her look skinny distractor' on three."

Dedicated soccer moms Gail and Linda were determined to give their unborn children a jump on the competition.

Soccer Moms Against Corruption

'Grandma would love to hear about your home run, Ryan...right after the flop.'

'I made the team, Mom, and so did you! I volunteered you for team driver.'

'The behaviour of some these ******* kids is a ******* disgrace, you wonder where they ***** get it from.'

'I encouraged my mom to work. I need my alone time!'