Mom Squad Captain Pillows

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Woman as a beacon and guide of the family

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'Mother will catch you!'

"The Momfia"

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

"Wanna swap?"

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

Baby Mums.

Mom on the First Day of School.

'Another day, another dollar.'

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

"No woman should have children over 40, that's quite enough for anybody."

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

'No, Dear, a 'hot flash' is not a comic book superhero power.'

Thank you for not smacking

"She's such a different person than she was before her nap."

'I laid 3,000 eggs today, and you expect me to dress for dinner?'

"OK, let's try the old 'tell Mommy her sweatpants make her look skinny distractor' on three."

Soccer Moms Against Corruption

'Grandma would love to hear about your home run, Ryan...right after the flop.'

'I encouraged my mom to work. I need my alone time!'

'I made the team, Mom, and so did you! I volunteered you for team driver.'

'The behaviour of some these ******* kids is a ******* disgrace, you wonder where they ***** get it from.'

"Open wide! Here comes the de Havilland Dash-8, twin-engine, medium range turbo prop airliner."