Modesty Advocate Gifts

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Sorry, coach. My mom says the other football pants are "too revealing."

"Please excuse Steve...he hates pretentiousness!"

New for parents of teenage girls: plastic foam midriff cover-up spray.

'Call me anti-social if you want. The pants stay on.'

"More like 95% off!"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

My friend here is being FAR too modest! He's not just ANY bartender! Karl's the guy who invented the Fuzzy Navel!'

"It's not art, really - just something I pulled out of my butt."

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

Highlights from the Million Moderate March

'The Polite Lions' - a new sim game - "We've already got chairs, thank you."

Breast Feeding in Public

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'It looks pretty flimsy, but I'm a gentleman: After you dear...'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

"You have to learn to relax, even though I'm creeping you out."

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

"Can we not argue in public? Buzz me up and let's discuss this calmly."

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

'Don't ask for anything.'

Back in the old days, when mob rule etiquette counted for something.

"Why don't you pull over and let us get past, you arrogant self-righteous bastard!"

"I am wearing the new bikini you saw...unfortunately, my father saw it too, and made me wear this over it!"

"Finally a bit of privacy."

It's lovely, but I would have been just as happy with a modest ranch.

"Oh, come on. Live a little. It's liberating."