Modern Storytelling Gifts

"....but the wicked witch curses the beautiful princess with terrible Instagram photos and she lost all her followers!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

Occu-Pie Mars

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over