Modern Storytelling Pillows

"....but the wicked witch curses the beautiful princess with terrible Instagram photos and she lost all her followers!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.