Modern Parenting Analyst Gifts

The new Teen Drive Bungee: Keeps your teen within a three-mile radius of home!

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

A boy and his spin patrol.

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

Modern Baby Mobiles

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

We ARE playing catch.

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

'They start texting so young these days,'

Free WiFi On-Board

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

Robot feeding Baby.

Parenting: then and now

"?With this new baby-belt, I can baby sit while my wife works?"

"Who are we to assign gender?"

'It works better than the pacifier.'

These days in Hamelin the piper casts a very lonely shadow. . . improvements in sanitation have mostly controlled the rats, while social media has total control over the children!!

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"Jimmy has helicoptor parents."

"I don't tweet for the follows I have, son. I tweet for the followers I want."

'Yes, but the ideological notion that striking a child isn't justified under any circumstances contradicts thousands of years of parenting experience.'