Modern Nursery Rhymes Lover Gifts

21st Century Nursery Rhymes. Little Miss Muffet, Tweets from her tuffet, Munching on curds and whey; Along came a spider, who crept up beside her And frightened Miss Muffet away. Little Miss Muffet, stood at a buffet, Snagging some break and jam, Along came a spider, While she was pouring some cider, So she gave the poor spider a wham! I can't @#$% get any real $#%* meaning when I can only tweet 280 characters!

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'Are you made of sugar?'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Well, that one got away."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

If you're happy and you know it...

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"