Modern Man Pillows

"Yeah, it's great, we live in an age when we can speak openly about erectile dysfunction."

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

Audio Books

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

Weird things I do because of the internet

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Will follow you on social media for food."

The Evolution Of Man.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Large print e-book.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

Tunnel of TV

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

"How is it gendered?"

'There's nothing like roughing it in the woods to make a man feel alive!'

"The club scene is really changing."

Typical bored kid of the New Millennium

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"