Modern Times Pillows

"I knew you'd like this place."

Walk signal deposit 25¢ push button

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Crap from the future.

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Weird things I do because of the internet

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Selfie Stick

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

No Immediate Danger

"Did you get my tweet?"

Dawing your Cellphone

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"