Modern Life Pundit Gifts

"You know, you can do this just as easily online."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Peter

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Snowman Driver

Daily Routine

Early Man Late Man

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Goodnight Social Media.

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

Blues for now.

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

Our Troubled Chowders

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"