Modern Life Pundit Pillows

"You know, you can do this just as easily online."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

Early Man Late Man

Snowman Driver

Daily Routine

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Goodnight Social Media.

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

Our Troubled Chowders

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."