Modern Humor Enthusiast Gifts

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'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

"You never write, phone, text, email, tweet, smoke signal or radio you mother anymore,"

'You have post-modern mice.'

"Save the loaves for the other 4,999. I am gluten intolerant."

Noah's Ark Security

"Little Red Riding Hood should have carried pepper spray."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Police Feline Unit

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

Cariactures

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Speed Dating for Turtles

Faster, Georges, faster!

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'