Modern Food Trends Pillows

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

'My fortune says, 'You will soon enjoy genetically modified rice'.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

Queen of Quinoa

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

All Natural Nothing

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Fridge-to-table"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."