Modern Food Trends Pillows

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

'My fortune says, 'You will soon enjoy genetically modified rice'.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

Queen of Quinoa

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

All Natural Nothing

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Fridge-to-table"

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"