Modern Food Pillows

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

All Natural Nothing

Queen of Quinoa

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Fur Baby

i-teddy

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."