Modern Food Gifts

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

All Natural Nothing

Queen of Quinoa

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

The Modern Novel.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Fur Baby

i-teddy

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."