Modern Chef Gifts

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

'Every traditional country kitchen needs an aga like this... It's perfect for keeping the microwave in.'

"And how exactly am I supposed to peel the carrots when we don't even have an electronic multiblade adjustable potato peeler?"

Microwave grudgingly in use.

'For the instant mashed potatoes, the head and serve puddings, the canned cranberry sauce, the defrost and serve pumpkin pie and the delivered roast turkey, we are truly thankful.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"I'm studying the effects of prolonged radiation exposure on a panzerotti."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

Tzatzikicicle

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

"How much longer on your visionary gnocchi, Stefano?"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Should we try that new place in the corner?"

Spatula Conductor

"So...that's B11, C8, F5, and A3?"

'Eat your carrots. They are good for growing children.'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

"Breakfast hero I presume?"

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

Prosecco Drinker

'It needs more dirt.'

Artist and chiken

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"To be honest it's not char-grilled, it's actually hydrogen-fluoride lasered chicken."

Capturing a Cook

"Your husband tells me you're a wonderful cook!"

"Menu?? You mean you haven't downloaded our App?"

Who wants to lick the swatters.

'They wanted to compliment you on the porridge.'