Critiquing Food Trends Pillows

"I used to take photos of my meals, but once you've seen one salad..."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

All Natural Nothing

See you at the farmers market!

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Queen of Quinoa

"Is the MSG local?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"Fridge-to-table"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

The Pumpkin Spice Routes

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."