Culinary Trends Pillows

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Not you, too, Larry. Pumpkin-flavored?"

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

Pizza Express Take-away

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

All Natural Nothing

See you at the farmers market!

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Queen of Quinoa

"Is the MSG local?"

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Fridge-to-table"

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."