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'Go ask your other mother.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

"How is it gendered?"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"I guess families do come in all shapes and sizes."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

Personnel: 'I promised Mom I'd call her when I got here safely - do you mind?'

"We're having a problem naming him. All the domain names we like are already taken!"

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'I know you've gotten attached to him, Bobby, I have too, but the man at the door is from his firm and needs him back.'

'I know we hadn't planned on getting a bigger car until we had kids, but I think we need one now to accommodate the bumper-stickers.'

'Look, dear. Our printer's first words.'

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

"My daughter is a modern baby. She doesn't cry when she is hungry...she texts me."

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"It's the old man's idea. Reckons his young executives should see more of their families."

'In my day we called it 'parenting', not 'troubleshooting your kid'.'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'Mom, Kevin just asked me to live with him!'

'No, the woman of the house is at work. May I help you?'

"Son, I think it's about time we had the TED Talk."

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

"I now pronounce you...significant others!"

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."