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"How is it gendered?"

'... and they got a divorce and, due to a good prenup, they lived happily ever after.'

'I have several other fathers, you know.'

"It's time to talk about the birds and bees? Sure dad, what do you want to know?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"I guess families do come in all shapes and sizes."

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

'It's no use! His computer tablet has replaced his blanky!'

Personnel: 'I promised Mom I'd call her when I got here safely - do you mind?'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'I know we hadn't planned on getting a bigger car until we had kids, but I think we need one now to accommodate the bumper-stickers.'

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'Look, dear. Our printer's first words.'

Modern Baby Mobiles

'I know you've gotten attached to him, Bobby, I have too, but the man at the door is from his firm and needs him back.'

"We're having a problem naming him. All the domain names we like are already taken!"

"My daughter is a modern baby. She doesn't cry when she is hungry...she texts me."

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

'But dad, no one goes round hunting and gathering anymore. It's just so . . . paleolithic!'

"It's the old man's idea. Reckons his young executives should see more of their families."

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

'In my day we called it 'parenting', not 'troubleshooting your kid'.'

'Yup! Lots to give, not much to lose!'

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

For the Children

"Son, I think it's about time we had the TED Talk."