Modern Fairy Tale Follower Gifts

Updated Fairy Tales Cinderella. My lawyers won't let me do glass slippers anymore --- Too many liability issues.

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The tooth fairy.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

Sleeping Beauty.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

Ask A Silly Question.

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Snow White and her Seven people.

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

Tooth fairy pays with card

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

Fairy tale

"Oh my gosh — so sorry! Those were extensions!"

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'