Modern-day Fairy Tale Fan Gifts

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Here be dragons.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Well, that one got away."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"What the hell took so long?"

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

Invisible clothes

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Bathroom Fairy

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.