Modern-day Fairy Tale Fan Gifts

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Here be dragons.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Well, that one got away."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"What the hell took so long?"

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

Invisible clothes

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

Updated Stories. The Wicked Witch Of The West Tries A New Tactic To Get The Ruby Slippers. Security Checkpoint. Remove your shoes, please.

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.