Modern Distraction Fan Gifts

"Well, I've got rather a lot on at the moment."

Pre-Television Man Caves

Drive Through: Attorney, Therapy and Prayer

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

Pizza-Matic

"I finally figured out what was causing my backache. You know that fancy modern office furniture I ordered a few weeks back? I just realized. I've been sitting on the wastebasket."

"It's 3D 4K HD - ideal for my old silent movie collection."

Snow White was a sucker for red apples, tattoos, and guys with beards.

"I consider the day a success when I leave the office and have to tiptoe through pieces of broken paradigm!"

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

Vents, real and digital.

'Hey, man, that's not how we do the flash mob!'

Furniture for the age of anxiety.

"I'll confess, the first time I realized they didn't have any panes it gave me quite a turn!"

"Hey boy! Hey! Hey! Hey! Are those earbuds? Hey!!"

"Time for some herdin' music, eh, girl?"

"How's that computer manual coming along?"

'Food? Do you think I'm the kind of mother that cooks?'

It's a text from the patient. He says 'more anesthetic, please.'"

'I know a trap when I see one.'

"Don't be scared! I'm just wearing this old x-ray gear for throwback Thursday."

'I hear he died laughing...while texting.'

"More e-mails Mrs. Jones."

"Do you know who I'd like a one-to-one with?"

GPS and Cardio Workout

'Paul, I think that Jane and yourself might make more progress if you left your boyfriend at home.'

'You've got to give up these escape attempts,'

"Ooh, look, his first text message."

"Can I borrow your selfie stick?"