Modern Decor Fan Pillows

"I finally figured out what was causing my backache. You know that fancy modern office furniture I ordered a few weeks back? I just realized. I've been sitting on the wastebasket."

'Thanks! -- These will look great on the coffee table!'

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

'I WANTED to paint the room a shade of green, but gave up somewhere between chartreuse and citrine.'

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Drive Through: Attorney, Therapy and Prayer

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

I'm a child of the early 5o's who has found time in retirement to become tech savvy. You're a mid-century modern.

'That was nice of them to order us a new scratching post!'

"Does it come with magnets?"

Pizza-Matic

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

"You've taken some creative liberties, Noah."

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

Snow White was a sucker for red apples, tattoos, and guys with beards.

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

Rep-Tiles.

"It's 3D 4K HD - ideal for my old silent movie collection."

'No, I don't think you're a mental case, Mrs Clydehopper. Then again, this is a furniture store, and I'm a salesman...'

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

'I said he needs an ambulance! Not ambiance!'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'When I asked for something woody with a great finish, they said I should try the paneling department at Home Depot.'

Furniture for the age of anxiety.

"Finally we're alone."

Throw Pillows. You were right, with those two we need to explicitly tell them that sight is not an instruction.

'You don't look like a man who's off his rocker to me.'

"I'll confess, the first time I realized they didn't have any panes it gave me quite a turn!"

Santa, please take a photo of yourself with our presents so I can post it on my Facebook. Thanks! XOXO

"Well, then, if and when you do consider moving, would you let us know?"

'Food? Do you think I'm the kind of mother that cooks?'

Spent it all on decorator pillows.

' I don't care if their ad says they stand behind every bed they sell, I want him out of here...'

'I know a trap when I see one.'