Modern Decor Fan Mugs

"I finally figured out what was causing my backache. You know that fancy modern office furniture I ordered a few weeks back? I just realized. I've been sitting on the wastebasket."

'Thanks! -- These will look great on the coffee table!'

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

'I WANTED to paint the room a shade of green, but gave up somewhere between chartreuse and citrine.'

Drive Through: Attorney, Therapy and Prayer

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"Does it come with magnets?"

Pizza-Matic

Smaller shoe being built onto a shoe house.

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

"It's 3D 4K HD - ideal for my old silent movie collection."

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

'An occasional table... what is it the rest of the time?'

Rep-Tiles.

Snow White was a sucker for red apples, tattoos, and guys with beards.

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'When I asked for something woody with a great finish, they said I should try the paneling department at Home Depot.'

"Finally we're alone."

'You don't look like a man who's off his rocker to me.'

Furniture for the age of anxiety.

"I'll confess, the first time I realized they didn't have any panes it gave me quite a turn!"

'Food? Do you think I'm the kind of mother that cooks?'

Spent it all on decorator pillows.

' I don't care if their ad says they stand behind every bed they sell, I want him out of here...'

"Well, then, if and when you do consider moving, would you let us know?"

"Holiday decorating - done."

'I know a trap when I see one.'

'That's the last Indian carpet we ever buy'.