Modern Childhood Reflector Pillows

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

Pete Townshend Vineyards

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

Typical bored kid of the New Millennium

"Sure, this camp has swimming, games, fishing, horseback riding and rock climbing. But, does it have Wi-Fi?"

"Its's a beautiful day. Why don't you play outside?"

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

Childhood Screen Addict

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

'Here, Santa. My wish list wouldn't fit on paper, so take this flash drive.'

"I'll take anything that connects to the internet."

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

'I'm too tired to listen to a story tonight, mom. Just e-mail something and I'll read it tomorrow.'

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my payers now!"

"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."

"You know what I'd like to try someday? Landlubbing."

"For the last time, there is no virus under your bed."

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

Musical Chairs: Because kids don't already have a hard time fitting in.

'There is no room in the church for damaged goods Rodney.'

"I was a cog in the machine for thirty years, and then it went solid-state!"

Santa tries talking to kids with screen addictions.

"It's called a 'bookmark.' It's like a 'save progress' option."

"I don't need to go trick or treat. I just ordered a bunch of candy on the internet."

"Blueberry or cherry vapes and, I'll throw in free wi-fi!"

Excess Baggage: In the future, some of these kids will pay good money to do the same thing, only they'll call it a 'Luxury Motor Coach Tour'.

Digital Childhoods

"Families depress me."

"I was a used-car salesman, but I was terrible at it."