Childhood Reflector Pillows

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

'Shredded wheat cereal, cracked wheat toast, and crushed pineapple. I didn't do it. It came that way.'

Paper Bombs

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

"You know what I'd like to try someday? Landlubbing."

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

Musical Chairs: Because kids don't already have a hard time fitting in.

"It's hard to believe the adults think he's so lovable!"

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

An old couple visit a woods where they once carved their name in a tree and discover it has bee cut down.

'There is no room in the church for damaged goods Rodney.'

"So, according to law, we're basically hostages till we're 18."

"Watch yourself--we're under surveillance."

"I was a cog in the machine for thirty years, and then it went solid-state!"

'Remember you asked me if there was anything else I wanted before we settled down for the night? I just thought of something.'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

"Families depress me."

Excess Baggage: In the future, some of these kids will pay good money to do the same thing, only they'll call it a 'Luxury Motor Coach Tour'.

"I was a used-car salesman, but I was terrible at it."

"I guess today separated the wheat from us chaff."

Trichinosis

'E. I. E. I. O!.. I think we've just made contact with old Macdonald!'