Childhood Reflection Pillows

"Families depress me."

37 years in the same position.

Haircuts

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

Bike Rides

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

Jack in the Box

"Frankly, Jackie Paper, I’ve done all I can with strings and sealing wax."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

'No fair. Someone ate the popsicle off the stick.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

"Der, dad. . . it's wireless!"

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

'I thought you wanted him to have all the things you never had.'

Sliding Down the Banister

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

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'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."