Childhood Reflector Prints

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

"Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the happy childhood. You've destroyed any chance I had of becoming a writer."

He was a great dodgeball player. Who's in heaven now. He will be missed.

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

'Shredded wheat cereal, cracked wheat toast, and crushed pineapple. I didn't do it. It came that way.'

Proud parents take a photo of their potty-trained child.

Doing timeout changes a guy.

Paper Bombs

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

"You know what I'd like to try someday? Landlubbing."

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

Musical Chairs: Because kids don't already have a hard time fitting in.

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

"It's hard to believe the adults think he's so lovable!"

An old couple visit a woods where they once carved their name in a tree and discover it has bee cut down.

"So, according to law, we're basically hostages till we're 18."

"Watch yourself--we're under surveillance."

"I was a cog in the machine for thirty years, and then it went solid-state!"

'There is no room in the church for damaged goods Rodney.'

'Remember you asked me if there was anything else I wanted before we settled down for the night? I just thought of something.'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'E. I. E. I. O!.. I think we've just made contact with old Macdonald!'

"Families depress me."

"I was so busy worrying that she only loved me because of my money that I lost her AND the money!"

"I was a used-car salesman, but I was terrible at it."