Modern Art Philosopher Gifts

Poverty Performance

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

The Googler

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

Screen Time vs Book Time

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"I'm working on more of a 'personal' mythology."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."