Modern Art Philosopher Gifts

Poverty Performance

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

The Googler

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Screen Time vs Book Time

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Mark Zuckerberg

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

"I'm working on more of a 'personal' mythology."

The Cremaster Cycle

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."