Art Theorist Gifts

"It's a stunning example of the absence of traditional art as a paradigm of a new way of viewing the essence of a new zeitgeist..." "Er...do you think we should tell him that we haven't hung the picture yet?"

"This is from my 'white period' the period before I could afford paint."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

High School Schedule

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Harmon Silas, calculating the thousand words his picture is worth, wonders what do do with contractions.

Max Weber

'You'll never get the Burgundy stain out, so let's just color the whole thing.'

"Are you sure this is a Film Noir"

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

Oak Tree Painted in 1642

"Y a un truc bizarre."

'My God Pearson you're right. All these years the greates scientific minds have been looking for the theory of everything and all we had to do was Google it!'

Willson, Carswell & Griggs - The Balanchine Version

'Actually, we don't like the term 'cannibal', we prefer to be called 'homovores'.'

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

Page from 'How to Draw' by Albrecht Durer

'We think, therefore we are a tank.'

'First particle theory, then wave theory, then plasma theory, and now lime gelatin theory.'

'The beauty of this is that it is only of theoretical importance, and there is no way it can be of any practical use whatsoever.'

'I am afraid, sir, that in the current economic climate, a picture is now only worth 500 words.'

'What the hell is this the age of?'

"It's too academic."

"I've been an emerging artist for ten years now..."

"Now who's being judgy?"