Modern Art Appreciators Gifts

Future Old People.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"Well....I could've done this!"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Klimt Kiss Phones

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Misunderstood artist

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"You're welcome."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Projectile painting.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Cats at private view

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Picasso: The Early Years

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Art Gallery.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."