Modern Art Adversary Gifts

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"You're welcome."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Klimt Kiss Phones

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Cats at private view

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

Picasso: The Early Years

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

"Feel better, dear?"

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

"I'm working on more of a 'personal' mythology."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"