Modern Art Adversary Pillows

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Klimt Kiss Phones

"You're welcome."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Cats at private view

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Picasso: The Early Years

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

"Feel better, dear?"

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

"I'm working on more of a 'personal' mythology."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'