Mock Meat Maven Gifts

"States of tofu"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Muscles

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'New Barbeque.'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

Body Building Mishap

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

"This dinner party's going to a take a but of work."

Horse meat scandal.

Facial hair continental drift.

"My biggest strength is probably my quads."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"I love strong coffee."

strong man bends an iron bar

'It's the people downstairs again.'

"It's a sprain in your left porterhouse."

Department de Philosophie

'The next time he misses the paper, we're giving him away.'

"Actually I'm doing this to stand out more in the scholarly community."

"Hurry, dear, it's the Brutal Gourmet."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Martha, I've just discovered where Uncle George has gotten to"

'Do you know if there's a candy machine in the building?'

'I've got the bill if it's too small.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."