Mock Interviewee Gifts

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"We pay the living dead wage."

I'm a self-made man!

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"So did you do all your leadership training online?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

"I didn't get the job: apparently, burying your head in the sand is not a good project management strategy..."

'No, I've never worked for a veterinarian before, but I'm an active antivivisectionist.'

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

"You mock, sir—you mock a sport storied and beloved. I, sir, pity you."

"It's an important interview, so you probably shouldn't wear a necktie that contains more material than your suit."

"What would I bring to the company? After hearing the salary and benefits...a sense of humor."

'On paper, you appear to be an excellent candidate for a sales representative. However, without the ability to palm a basketball...'

'Are you a good mixer?'

"We don't think you're management material."

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

'Impressive credentials - BA Columbia, MBA Harvard, stints as CFO and CEO at three major corporations - and what's this about being a bluesman?'

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?