Mobile Mishap Manager Pillows

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

Why would birdie need newspaper?

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'...and this is the Mess.'

"That's the last time I invite the boys round..."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

No, I seriously doubt a DNA test would exonerate you.

DIY expert.

"You give Sticky Keys a new meaning."

'When an outboard goes overboard'

'The cat did it.'

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

Happy Birthday MUM!

"It's the U.N. inspectors, Michael. They want access to your room."

'How's my Surger? Call 1-600 Lawsuit.'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"After viewing the video footage, it wasn't the dog making the mess, after all..."

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

"It was my imaginary friend Gravity."

"Dude, you gotta get out here and clean this pool more often."

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

'Oh, sure, you can dish it out, but you can't take it.'

"My kid gives new meaning to the term 'deep pile carpet'."

'Your kinect is broken.'

"I'm adding the laundry room and kitchen to your GPS. Judging by all the clothes and dishes in your room, you don't know the locations."

'I didn't get it all done in a day.'

'I did my part of house cleaning, now it's your time...it's shovel ready'

A daily routine gives you the advantage of knowing what to expect tomorrow.

"Well, I live in a pigsty, so, unlike you, I don't really notice much change when my kids become teenagers..."

Firemen called to a cooking accident.

"Sometimes I regret I chose a big dog."