Master Of Mishaps Pillows

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"It's the MacArthur Foundation! They've heard about your special genius for saying the dumbest thing at the worst possible moment, and they're giving you a grant!"

DIY expert.

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Man's cooking explodes.

Kiss the Commander in Chef

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

"|For some reason, the boss is obsessed with my screen."

Houdini's infancy.

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

Magician hitting someone while performing a trick.

spellchecker

"Melisa! - Your spelling is atrocious!"

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"Did you accidentally put the DVD of 'Taxi Driver' in her 'Wheels on the Bus' case?"

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

I'm sure it's here somewhere!

"Careful - it's full of lies."

Firemen called to a cooking accident.

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'

Heyyy... where's mine?

'National hug your mom day!'