Mis-hit Master Pillows

Face painting.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Bob realised that he'd had his binoculars back to front.

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

Untidy bedroom

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

For the third time that week somebody had super-glued the manager to his seat. It was great for team morale.

Irritable gentleman disturbed by a bluebottle

DIY expert.

'Who messed up my workbench?!'

'This time you hold the nail!'

'That's it boy! Find the floor!'

Man throwing food on floor in the excitement of a goal

"Can I help it if my pen leaks!"