Mis-hit Master Pillows

'Did you see my ball come by here?'

Face painting.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

Bob realised that he'd had his binoculars back to front.

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'Happy now?'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'Sorry'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

Untidy bedroom

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

Irritable gentleman disturbed by a bluebottle

For the third time that week somebody had super-glued the manager to his seat. It was great for team morale.

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

DIY expert.

"Can I help it if my pen leaks!"

"One day, many years from now, we'll look back at this and laugh."

'That's it boy! Find the floor!'

Man throwing food on floor in the excitement of a goal