Misreading Master Pillows

'It says 'two teaspoons 400 times a day'...'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Face painting.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

Communication Breakdowns

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

Untidy bedroom

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

Irritable gentleman disturbed by a bluebottle

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

'She's throwing a dinner party - Just for me...'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

'Who messed up my workbench?!'

'That's it boy! Find the floor!'

Man throwing food on floor in the excitement of a goal

"Can I help it if my pen leaks!"

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

"One day, many years from now, we'll look back at this and laugh."