Misreading Mishaps Pillows

'Okay I'll admit you do look foolish but on positive side you were only one letter out!'

Love at First Sight

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"My guess it's guacamole."

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

Deck the halls with boughs of challah...

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

"Frank, you idiot! That's a Piñata."

Troubles with a vacuum cleaner

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."

Occupational Hazards of Playing the Harp.

'What do you mean, 'No warranty??' The user manual does not say that I can't send a Cappuccino by email!'

we take plastic - "The sign doesn't mean we take plastic coins."

'It says 'two teaspoons 400 times a day'...'

"Can I help you find or lose something?"

Trumpet player punctures a cheek.

"To hell with you, too."